Dear co-worker, who smoked in the car during our four hour drive:

Thanks for making me sick. I completely attribute the issues I’m having to your selfish need to smoke endless cigarettes in the car.  No, rolling your window down one inch, doesn’t help.  Oh and thanks for making my coat smell like your breath.

Ugh.

Signed,

Cough,cough,hack, hack

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Dear friend of mine, who experienced loss one month ago:

I know you don’t talk about it much, but I want you to know I am always thinking of you.  I hope you are healing and finding peace in your heart.  Just because we don’t talk about it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.  My heart still breaks for you.

Signed,

Hols

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Dear IRS:

YOU SUCK.

Signed,

I owe.

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Dear friend of mine, soon to be matched with her long-awaited child:

I couldn’t be any happier for you right now.  I am now dreaming of that day you meet your child, and each and every time I wake up with tears of happiness in my eyes for you.  I don’t think I could be any more anxious for you.   It’s coming soon, love!

Signed,

Future Auntie Holly

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Dear makers of Metformin:

Did you ever take your own medicine?  If you did, you’d find that it’s like eating a bar of ex-lax on a daily basis.  If you did, you’d find out that your butt can do tricks you never knew about.  If you did, you’d find yourself browsing the aisle of Depends undergarments at the drugstore.

I’m guessing you haven’t taken it.  Because if you did, it would have been named “Poopformin.”

Signed,

Holly’s not here right now – she’s on the toilet.

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Dear pharmacist that chastized me for buying my son cough syrup:

Yes I know my son is 4 and below the age limit on the cough syrup I bought.  Yes, I know it says for six years and up.  Yes, I also know you’re an asshole.

Just because I’m buying it, doesn’t mean I haven’t met with a pediatrician who has advised me how to give this to my child, under his care.

Furthermore, all of the above is none of your ever-lovin business.  Go fill some xanax Rx’s and shut up.

Signed,

Mother who doesn’t over-medicate her child.